Microwaved Turkey No I M Not Kidding Recipes

MICROWAVE TURKEY

Steps:

• Before attempting this recipe, make sure that your microwave is large enough to handle the bird.
• If not, go buy a larger microwave.
• It's worth it!
• This recipe originated using a 650 watt microwave, but I've also used a 550 watt, a 950 watt, and most lately, a brand-new 1300 watt oven, which is almost too powerful.
• Timing is based on the 650 watt oven and needs to be adjusted for other wattages.
• Wash the turkey thoroughly inside and out, let drain well, and pat dry with paper towels.
• Reserve the neck and gizzards for gravy, or discard, as desired.
• Season the turkey generously inside and out as desired with salt, freshly ground black pepper, granulated garlic, onion powder, and lemon-herb seasoning.
• Stuff and truss the turkey.
• If you do not want to stuff it with dressing, be sure to stuff it full with coarsely chopped onions, celery, oranges, apples, parsley, and sage stems the onion mixture for the flavor and to ensure that cooking time is correct; timing is based on a stuffed bird.
• Rub the outside of the turkey all over with olive oil or butter.
• Wrap the wings and 2-3" of the ends of the legs with aluminum foil.
• No, this small amount will not hurt your microwave!
• Pour 2-3 Tbsp flour into a large plastic baking bag, and shake bag to coat the inside.
• Place turkey in bag (you will probably need help), and loosely close the bag opening with a plastic tie.
• If you close it tightly, the bag will probably explode due to steam buildup about half way through cooking!
• Place the bagged turkey, breast-side down, in a 9"x13"x2" microwave-safe baking dish, or a larger one if your microwave can handle it.
• Although the dish is not necessary, it sure makes it a lot easier to handle the turkey later and can compensate for a leaky baking bag.
• Leaks do happen, just ask the CIA and FBI.
• If the turkey is stuffed with bread dressing, microwave on HIGH for 50 minutes, rotating 180 degrees after 25 minutes.
• Remove from microwave, and turn turkey breast side up.
• Again, you will probably need some help.
• If the breast skin is stuck to the bag, try to release it, but don't get too carried away.
• Return turkey to the oven, rotating 180 degrees, and microwave on HIGH for an additional 50 minutes, rotating again after 25 minutes.
• If turkey is stuffed with veggies, not stuffed with bread dressing, reduce times from 50 minutes to 45 minutes.
• You can even use this method to cook a 5-6 pound bone-in turkey breast by reducing cooking times from 50 minutes to 20-25 minutes The best way to test for doneness is with an instant-read thermometer, stuck into the breast, not touching a bone, which should register 170-175 degrees F.
• Do not rely on the pop-up indicator that might have come with the turkey or on the timing cited above for final doneness.
• Use the thermometer!
• Temperature of the turkey will rise another 5-10 degrees F while the turkey rests.
• Remove the turkey from the microwave.
• Drain juices from the baking bag, degrease, and use to make your favorite gravy recipe.
• You can either let the turkey stay in the bag or remove it to a serving platter and tent with foil.
• In either case, allow the turkey to rest for 15-20 minutes before carving.
• Enjoy, with any accompaniments you desire!

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S EGGNOG [ I'M NOT KIDDING!]

Steps:

• MIX LIQUOR FIRST.
• Separate yolks and whites of the eggs*.
• Add sugar to beaten yolks and mix well.
• Add combined liquors to the yolk and sugar mixture, drop by drop at first, slowly beating it all the while.
• Add cream and milk and mix thoroughly.
• Beat the egg whites* until stiff and gently fold these into cream liquor and yolk mixture.
• Let this sit in the refrigerator for several days.
• Taste frequently.
• *I always remove the white thingum from eggs.